


Your Loving Jack

by trylonandperisphere



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Civil War, Epistolary, F/F, Romance, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-19
Updated: 2016-07-19
Packaged: 2018-07-25 07:51:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7524538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trylonandperisphere/pseuds/trylonandperisphere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Civil War letter transcriptions from the Cormier-Langdon collection, UVT.  Presumed dates 1862-63. Blank lines denote areas that cannot be transcribed due to damage.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your Loving Jack

**Author's Note:**

> This is my entry to the oneshotcophine contest. The theme is "lost time." I apologize; It's not laid out as I wanted, because this site is odd and particular about formatting. I hope it's readable. 
> 
> Orphan Black, its characters and the OB universe are property BBC America and affiliates. I do not own them. This is a work of fiction for unpaid entertainment purposes. And really, it's completely AU, so nobody's gonna mistake it for part of the show or comics, anyway. ;)

  
  


My Dear Delphine,

  


I hope this missive reaches you quickly and finds you in good health. Please honor my apologies for the time passed since ____________I have been given my post at a hospital, after much groveling before Our Superintendent Miss Dix.  I am not sure her skills in medicine match Dr. Blackwell’s, but she is staunch,________ and able to talk over a good number of men, if not yours truly.  I kid, as I knew to show competency and remain quiet, until I was able to save a patient from under the nose of a Respected Surgeon. It gave me great satisfaction and earned my place. I only hope _________ send the poor fellow back to the front..

  


The hospital is in a hotel which must have been well-appointed before the war broke out.  Sadly, the main hall is not ___________________  
in states most dire. Men are laid out on the floor with barely an inch betw_________  
clothes and bandages befouled, with the stench of human waste and putrescence.  My spirits did fall, I must admit, but _______  
west wing, wherein Mrs. Hendrix, a protégé _________, was in charge of admitted care, and found the rooms clean and wounds freshly bandaged  
as recommended by the Sanitary Commission. It seems she has not yet convinced the doctor ________allow her to use methods of triage upon arrival.  I hope that by lending my voice a________  we shall succeed in bringing order and compassion to _________

  


I have been given a cot in a room with the other nurses, and it is here that I write you ________   
I have found a young man returning North to carry it _____________  
I have not yet found Our young men, but I will begin enquiring in the morning.  I cannot _______  
I will stifle tears or grit my teeth in anger.  The trouble those two have brought upon us all!

  


I do hope, however, that you are not too angry with me.  Believe, my dear friend, that I wanted to stay in your company.  I am afraid that due to my ___________   
upbringing I do not know how not to leap into __________ action.  Perhaps it might be better if I had your patience and knack for quiet subterfuge,  
but then I think I might not entertain you so.

  


I shall write you soon again, and I hope you will reply in kind.  I know I have caused __________ agitation, but my heart and intentions are not of the priest or Levite, but the Samaritan that you aspire to follow every day.  Please know that I think if you as I rest, and again as I wake, and my breast aches awful hollow not seeing your radiant face.

  


Yours,

  


Cosima

* * *

  
  


Dear Delphine,

  


Despite your scolding I was very happy to receive your letter.  I am glad you understand____ _______ in taking off after our incorrigible siblings.    
I believe at the age of fourteen I had more sense!  Although perhaps my current undertaking may indicate that I have no more sense than them.

  


My station is about to change, so I must implore you _______ 

that I do what I do only to rescue my Felix and your Laurent.  I have learned that they _________  
a regiment further South, but even if I were to be accepted at the field hospital nearest, which would take time and petitions, finding _______________

as  it is placed well at the rear.  It was a fortunate chance that suggested my solution, as I encountered a very unusual person.    
Pvt. John Bostwick had been sent to our care  _______  case of dysentery.  However, when I performed an examination, I found that “John”   
was not a man of war, but a member of the fairer sex!  It appears our wise doctors “inspect” enlistees _________  
with little more than a glance at the teeth, and this impressive Mainer named Mae Cobb was able to __________________  
by dressing in men's clothing.  While “John" did have the flux, it was not dysentery, but blood from her menstruation that an officer noticed, and _________  
our care.  I have, of course, sworn to her my secrecy, but it does ______________   
what number of soldiers are smooth-faced due to factors other than youth.  Do you think, if you dressed such, you might be in Harvard ____________   
rather than the Woman's Medical College of Pennsylvania?  I imagine your beauty would shine through __________  
and you would be found out, even though you do not tend to get flustered as I do. 

  


So it has been decided.  “John” will help me assume a masculine disguise, so I may travel more freely.  Fear not, for I will not enlist as a soldier.    
Rather, I will depict a courier boy, _________ forge papers as necessary.  I have been introduced to a scout, a former slave named Arthur, _________________  
and has nobly returned to help the North, despite supreme danger of recapture.  Do not worry, my dearest, as I shall take care and be under his tutelage.    
Therefore, from this day forward, please address me as “Jack Willow,” for the tree under which we have oft had happy moments.  Address mail to John Bostwick via New York 3rd ___________  arrange for mail to be brought to me, though it may be delayed.  Nevertheless, I will attempt to update you regularly,  
and think of you with a fondness beyond measure. 

  


Warmest regards,

  


Your Jack 

  


* * *

  


My Sweet Delphine,

  


I understand when you say you feel torn about my endeavor. I know you don’t want anyone hurt, but I could not help myself.  You know how I get when I think something must be done.  It is not that I am brave — I am not.  It is that I refuse to let Felix and Laurent’s lives and potential be wasted.  As much as I support the Northern cause, you know I hate the Devil of War.  Men could do so much to improve our human race, and yet they try to kill each other in terrible ways.  I cannot let our brothers succumb to this glorified yet base instinct, and truly, what would we do without our beloved boys?  They are made for finer things, I think, than sacrificing their light to prove their manhood. 

  


Speaking of which, wearing trousers is a revelation, and I intend to _________________ now and then.  I wonder what you would think of me in my hodgepodge uniform.  You will miss my hair, as I have, although it is much easier to tend.   I should wear a forage cap, but of course I have taken to a slouch hat, as it shields me from both sun and prying _______________would you find me handsome?  Never worry, I shall not cease to wear skirts.  After all, what greater pleasures have I had than under yours?

  


I have had some moments where I feared discovery or danger, but Arthur has been a Godsend to me and has rebuffed suspicion and_________________   
feel much more sure that I will succeed now that I have his help.  I still rage and wonder how it is that people can thin_ _____________less than human, when so many are intelligent, moral men of character.  

  


My sincere thanks for the funds you provided. They ________________a horse and much needed kit. Above that, it thrills my heart to read the phrase “mon amour" in your lett__________ almost hear it in your voice, spoken in the soft, low tones of secret pleasures into my ear.  Perhaps that is one thing that makes being Jack worthwhile  ______________ free to express your affections so sweetly. Surely my eagerness to return to you will help me to speedily accomplish my goal.

  


I must end here, for am headed out on the road in haste.  Please send me letters __________, and tell me more of how and what you are doing.  I want to envision you, and imagine you are near,

  


Love,

  


Your Jack

  


* * *

  


Dearest Delphine,

  


I have made it to the field hospital with Arthur.  The road got rougher as we went, and _______ bedraggled figures and humble “ambulance”   
carts as we approached.  We came to a camp well behind the lines _________________  with peddlers and “fancy ladies” who entertain the troops.    
It reminded me of my youth in “the wickedest town in the states,” save the lack of pickaxes and wooden buildings.  How grateful I will always__________  
and your father that you saved Felix and me from lives of whoring and thievery.  Perhaps I would _________   
good earnings, but how could I be happy without having met you?

  


I cling to those happy memories, for the field hospital is a grim place, overcrowded, full of death and misery.  Measles, dysentery   
and syphilis run rampant, while wounds bring rotting flesh.  The doctor here is a real sawbones, even less informed than _____________   
The “triage” practiced is to amputate wounded limbs immediately and give those with damaged vital organs up to God, save what meager palliatives _______________   
an area devoted to corpses, which are removed irregularly, and great piles of severed limbs crawling with maggots.   
I hope you never have to see or smell the like of it.  It made my heart and resolve quaver, and I barely sleep now despite being exhausted fro______________   
as nurse and steward.  I try to dream of you when I do, but I fear my mind has become overwhelmed with horrors.  __________   
wrong of me to now be glad that you may only train in women’s afflictions?  ___________do what I can. When we run out of Eau de Javel,  
I use tincture of iodine.  When we run out of iodine, I secretly bind wounds with honey, which Art found in the woods.  I may be seen by some  
as a mongrel, but I did benefit from having a grandmother ______ native ways of healing.  The doctor forbade me to do it, but I must.    
He is quite surprised when the health of some casualties improves as if by miracle.  Thank goodness we have __________ chloroform or whiskey  
to dull the patients’ senses. 

  


Part of me feels great guilt at leaving, ____________many whose suffering I might ease, but the thought of one of our boys being brought here,   
mortally wounded, bolsters my commitment__________ Arthur and I have been collecting and treating the wounded  in the fields__________   
finding them by their piteous cries in the night.  The southerners have even worse care than ours, so I cannot leave ________________________   
Still, I plan to sneak toward ___________ for we have found evidence that our siblings may be in one of two units ahead.  Please wish me luck and ________________   
Reading about your daily labors is a welcome respite, as are ________________ imagine being with you.  Please think of me, my love, and pray I rejoin you soon.  
In the meantime,  I keep your pin in my pocket.

  


Love beyond measure,

  


Your Jack  
  


* * *

  
  


My Dearest Love,

  


I have seen the elephant.  Truly, man has wrought a Hell on Earth.  Approaching the lines the battered road is nearly paved with skeletons from previous combat, __________ legacy of the minié ball? The crunch below wheels is awful.  I wanted to cry and scream and run away, but I could not.  My horse shied at first, but she, like I, seems to have dulled senses with repetition.

  


I have helped __________in the fields as best I could.  My best is not enough.  I saw men on both sides fall today. I am not sure how many.

  


No luck in the first unit.  Their musicians are even younger than our brothers.  I see soldiers who cannot  be older than 12 or 13.  Madness.  Yet they ________   
no less reasons than the grown men — love of country and home, sense of adventure.  May God forgive us all and show His mercy.    
What will become of our world when those who survive mature? 

  


The boom and smoke of artillery ________ nearer, yet I still have hope that this also draws me to our foolish kin.  Arthur has heard that youths meeting  
their descriptions are still alive.  Pray for us, and pray keep your suitors at bay.  I promise when I return we will have our marriage in friendship, a________________.  
Thank God for the laissez-faire temperament of Papa Cormier. 

  


Dear Heart — there is something I must confess.  On that wretched journey I remembered the theories of Darwin, as defended by Hooker and Huxley, all _________  
know I respect.  If it is true that we are descended from apes, as ____________ warfare is evidence of our basest nature.  For what is war but Man’s own evolutionary invention, with metal and gunpowder to replace teeth and brute strength?   Each side claims God in their favour, yet both suffer and die.   I speak of God and prayer, yet I doubted both  
on that ride.  What just creator would allow _______________ Then I thought of you, and it seemed a confirmation of the Light of the Holy Soul. 

  


Please forgive me for leaving without telling you.  I was stupid.  I think of you and then I am still able to see good in the world.  I am determined to see you again soon.  

  


Your Loving 

  


Jack

  
  


______ Beloved,

  


You do not know the relief I feel.  I found them.  They were, believe it or not, dancing at an impromptu party.  _________   
regiment had won important ground ___________ few fatalities on their side.  Since the fancy ladies weren’t there, young boys were dressed as women _________ partners in dance.  So there they were, draped in muddied dresses, and I honestly could not tell if they were happy or sad about it. I guess it was close enough to Laurent’s beloved Zouaves uniform.  Either way, I presented my “papers of furlough,” and ___________ bring them home.  I think they have seen enough.  Their protests were weak.  I did not ask if ________knew of their affection for one another, but I think it was only a matter of time before they were discovered as “gal-boys.”

  


Once we arrive in the city I shall send ___________________ ____________ dress __________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

  


* * *

  
  
  


Mon cher amour, coeur de ma vie,

  


Knowing that you are healing, and may be able to travel  _________

great joy.  All will be ready for you when you return. I ___________

townhouse in Boston, just for us.  I set up an office of ladies’ medicine, and_______

which may serve as a laboratory and library____________

_________ employment for Arthur, when he is ready to leave _____________rd to  
being “old maids” with you.   

L. pines for F., too, but I think Papa may  _____________________

awhile.  Lessons are to be learned, if of discretion than not______________________

you, ma enfant terrible, I am done with us learning lessons.  Let us____________

together, as each other’s closest friends and helpmeets. I promise _____________

take care of you and speed your recuperation.  _____ ____________________

I forgive you of everything, please_____________know that I will never leave you.  I ____________

Just come back to me, my love.  Come home. 

  


All my Love,

  


Delphine

  


  



End file.
